Mrs. McNair & Love Talk

So now its confirmed, Jon and Kate are over and he's left his family in their big broken home to party on the Riviera with another woman instead of being there to walk his kids through their sadness and confusion.

That's no good.

I know I'm blogging about old news, but was anyone else aghast at the public pain and humiliation that Mrs. Steve McNair must have endured because her husband couldn't keep his...ahem...at home where it belonged?!


This lady is someone I never knew existed until the story of her husband's death broke, and suddenly I'm feeling compassion and even anger for her at the consequences of her husband's choices.

And now the McNair kids don't have a dad because he picked the craziest Hooters waitress in all of Tennessee to mess around with??!! I'm mad for those kids, too.

When the McNair story was unfolding, MMA and I actually discussed this question: "What would hit you first, the pain or the anger, if you were Mrs. McNair?"

That was an interesting conversation.

We've been having lots of conversations like that recently because there have been so many people around us that are caught up in the hell of marital infidelity. People that we know, people like us (married for a few years, kids, seemingly established in their relationship) who are hitting a dangerous stage that comes out of no where.

Or does it?

In talking about this very real danger to any marriage, I hope we're moving in the right direction to protect what we have. But I know that talking is not enough. We are so guilty of not depositing into the marriage account on a regular basis. We might get a REAL date night every six months. Paltry isn't it?

We're in a Bible study group with three couples. When we get child care for Bible study, that's our adult socializing time. And its great, but certainly its not time that we're investing just for us to enjoy each other's company.

And yet we know the right thing to do here. It's like eating fast food. We know it's not healthy or nutritious, but we eat it anyway because it's easy. Sometimes I feel like we're feeding our marriage fast food instead of the good stuff. I tell myself that we're in a season in life that requires less time for ourselves so we can take care of our young family.

But at what cost? I love our family and wouldn't trade it for a second honeymoon (wait, let me think about that for a minute...no, I wouldn't trade it) but I'll be honest, I miss those carefree years; BK everything was easier...not more joyous, but easier for sure.

I love MMA and I'm lucky to have him. And I intend to keep it that way! We are embarking on a new Bible study with our group that is dedicated to improving communication within marriage. I'm looking forward to it. It's about time for a tune-up every couple of years, right?

So if anyone out there has the perfect marriage with the secret to spousal communication, go ahead and forward me the Cliff's notes so we can skip the book and just hang out with our CFs. (And still reap the benefits of the preventative maintenance.)

And let me tell you what, our bible study kicks a$$! I don't know if you're allowed to say that about a bible study, but we laugh, enjoy good food and wine, open up about real issues that we all struggle with and we put each other on the spot about growing in faith and pushing forward. It's not a safe-haven for anyone who wants to just listen and be left alone. (Which was where MMA was five years ago when I dragged him into it. And look at him now, he's the one calling me out on little white lies and the moral gray areas.)

I'm so glad to be Mrs. MMA!


I'll leave you with a couple of questions, and I especially want to hear from anyone who has learned things the hard way, (married or dating) how do you keep balance in your relationship with so much vying for your time? How do you invest in your relationship? What have you learned about communication within a relationship?

Ike update from My Point of View

Our Galveston weekend was wonderful and we were lucky enough to have some family join us on Sunday. I picked up a cake, a few pizzas, a cooler of drinks and bam! Instaparty!


We stayed at this cute little condo that I picked for the location right on the beach. It turned out nicer than the pictures show, so I was very pleased. The little guy loved sleeping in the top bunk and kept calling the place our condo. I wish!

He was so excited about his birthday that it was at easily midnight before he fell asleep Saturday. Sounds precious now, but I was on the verge of doling out birthday spankings to help him fall asleep. MMA stopped me...he's good like that.


We managed to squeeze in lots of fun Galveston attractions: the beach, the strand, the ferry, dining at Pier 21...we will remember it for a very long time!

Ready for the update? I hesitated to post this part, but I have some things to say and this is my blog. So if you don't want to hear me drone on and on, abort now.

The island of Galveston is looking better than I expected. The sea wall did what it was designed to do. If you didn't know what Galveston looked like before Hurricane Ike, you might not realize they suffered a MAJOR disaster less than a year ago. The beaches along the sea wall (where they've trucked in unfathomable amounts of sand) looked pretty good considering the catastrophic erosion. We didn't venture to the west side of the island but I know that the residential rebuilding is a slower process.

Of course the economy, and so many, are still hurting...right down to the Catholic Diocese and the medical establishment. Thousands of jobs are gone. Sadly, La Kings is no more and all the beautiful old oak trees along Broadway were killed by the storm surge and have to be removed.

But tourism seems to be rebounding. And Galveston's resilience and urgency to rebuild makes me proud to be a Texan. It makes me want to take another trip to the island and spend money to help that effort.

Coastal Texans didn't have the same massive media stage to decry FEMA and the Red Cross and every other agency that did not and could not duplicate the generosity of the Katrina debacle. The celebrities didn't come out in droves to sing concerts or raise money to rebuild after Ike, either. (Or Rita, remember Rita? The easternmost Texas coast got hit twice since Katrina.) Now, less than a year after Ike, I'm afraid Texans have gotten all the help we're going to get and it was a pittance in comparison.

I feel compelled to moan about it here on my own little stage, because my neighbors were abruptly cut off or never given any federal aid for housing or rebuilding when Katrina services were dragged on and on right under our noses in Houston. The system was abused by so many (stuff like this) who milked America's generosity like a cow and it seems the media and the judicial system was in on it.

It was common to hear the term "Katrina housing" in Houston up until Ike hit three years later! Extension after extension was approved in the courts, everyone afraid to say to the leeches "Ok, you lost everything, but now its time to move on and GET A JOB."

Conversely, there was no "Ike housing." Ike hit in September and by November, people who also lost everything were cut off. In any case, FEMA is a joke to those who put in to the system. Like welfare, maybe one dollar out of a thousand ends up in the hands of someone who contributed. And its just a band aid, not a cure. But I digress.

Why am I so bent out of shape when my family has insurance and we didn't miss any meals waiting on Harry Connick Jr to belt one out for us?

Well, if Galveston looks good, Bolivar is another story. Bolivar is to Ike what Bay St. Louis was to Katrina. You know, the place that took the dirty side of the hurricane, yet was all but forgotten by the media.

Bolivar is a low lying peninsula just across the port from Galveston which is mostly rural with no tourism or big industry to speak of. We took the ferry across and were saddened by the conditions just an hour's drive from where we live. From the Galveston/Bolivar ferry you must drive at least ten miles to reach anything that resembles a store or gas station. Bolivar still looks very third world and most neighborhoods are still in shambles. Concrete slabs are the only indication that houses once stood where weeds are taking over. Destroyed buildings have been abandoned all over. If there was anywhere to stop and spend some money, we would have.

Has anyone outside the Houston area ever heard of Bolivar or Crystal Beach?

Houston, (like so much of the country) was exceedingly generous after Katrina. Our mayor stepped up get those poor people the hell out of the Superdome without considering who would reimburse the city. Then they ended up Houston's problem and we ended up eating millions of dollars in that effort, BUT, still, I think we did the right thing in helping our neighbors in their time of need.

But my closer neighbors, were not extended the same generosity. Where were 'ya Dallas? That bothers me.

Words of Wisdom

My almost four-year-old often catches me off-guard. It's easy to forget that I'm talking to someone so young because he is the best company and a marvelous conversationalist. He's becoming a little man right before my awe-struck eyes.

Only Child asked me to play trains with him this morning. I said, "not right now" because I was trying to get my precious computer time in. (He hardly naps any more so I hardly blog anymore.) He said, "C'mon mommy, the computer will wait for you."

Needless to say, we spent the rest of the morning playing Thomas and Duncan, because, how could I argue with that?

Last week I took him to get a haircut and asked the lady to go a little shorter this time because its been so hot and his hair is 'fro-ing two weeks after a cut. She cut it WAY shorter than ever before. When he got home he looked in the bathroom mirror and feigned crying. When I asked him what was the matter, he said, (still acting for my benefit) "all my beautiful curls are gone!"

Interesting, how I disparage my curls and yet I love my curls on him. But more importantly, I'm glad he loves his curls. In fact, he seem to love everything about himself and that is an example we could all learn from.

Time is such an abstract concept to a small child. Five minutes. One hour. Next week...its a slow process to grasp the meaning of these words. And you can only learn these increments by experiencing them for yourself.

Last December, Mrs. Santa Clause came to visit Only Child's preschool and she asked him if he was excited about Christmas. He responded, "Yes, but its taking SO long to get here!"

Can he get an Amen?

He's been asking me all week, "How long until my birthday?" and "How long until we leave for the beach?" I keep saying, "Saturday, we leave Saturday," and then I rattle off the days until we leave.

So today he finally said with a sense of excitement and relief, "Tomorrow, that means after this night...it's going to be my birthday!"

"Well, tomorrow, after this night, we leave for the Galveston, but your birthday is not for two more nights."

Sounding just like his dad, he got all exasperated and threw his hands in the air, "Ahhh! This is taking forever! I'm so frustrated!" I was beaming inside at his commanding sense of self.

I love his little mind.

And a final nugget of proof that my little boy is wiser than men ten times his age: everyday recently, when I've been needing to hear it most, he remembers to say, "Mommy, you look so beautiful. I love you." And he hugs and kisses my big round belly.

I love that boy!




From a recent and rare dress up night

Salsa is Sexy!

True story, WI dreamt about salsa last night.

This was not some hormone-imbalance induced fantasy. This was the result of the sweet burn that lingered on my lips as I drifted off to sleep, belly full of everything that is right with the world on the Fourth of July.

Have I mentioned what a fun street I live on? 'Good people that love their families, God, and the old-fashion American block party.

I happen to live next door to the self-declared mayor of our street. Maybe we declared him the mayor; I can't remember. (My other next-door-neighbor.) His main responsibility is to organize everything fun that happens on our block. (That he stays on top of community business is just an added bonus.) And he serves us so dutifully, there will never be an election.

For the Fourth of July the Mayor organized a Kid's parade, cook out, and Salsa Contest! How fun is that?

I had to come out swinging because some have commented that my winning chili at Halloween was not really a "chili" but more of a soup in the eyes of the men.

This time around the Mayor declared that there would be two categories for our block party Salsa contest: traditional red and "other" for green, mango, pineapple, etc. (No, not the dance kind, sadly.)

If I may have lingered longer than necessary at the salsa table and if I sampled each salsas two or even three times, you know, to catch all the nuances, it was only out of respect for the game. And my fine opponents.

I have to admit, there was not a salsa I didn't enjoy! And in fact, there were a couple that were so incredible, I couldn't help but indulge in more than my fair share.

"Can't stop, won't stop" was my mantra last night. Might have played the pregnancy card as I was helping myself to obscene amounts of food.

There was the Chueys inspired creamy cilantro one. Wow!

There was a smooth green avacado-y sour creamy one that I could have sipped with a straw. (I never found out who brought that one.)

There was a delightfully fresh micro-hand chopped winner that came out of my neighbor's garden.

There was the smokin' hot chipotle one that taunted me to see how much I could take.

I wanted to take them all home with me. (At least the recipes.) No wonder I had such sweet dreams!I present to you, humbly, my first place entry in the "other" category. I did a ton of research and found this recipe at a favorite site. It's called Fire & Ice Salsa. Yes, that's watermelon, not tomato...

It's strange and delicious and just like the name implies. Luckily, the watermelon I bought was not the sweetest I've ever had, which made it perfect for this concoction. I also doubled (at least) the other ingredients and left out the garlic. I have one suggestion, salt just before serving, or the watermelon will weep and seep all the juice out.

I think this would be a nice light accompaniment to fish tacos or grilled chicken. Or to eat with a spoon when no one is looking.

Hope you had a fun 'Fourth!

House Beautiful and a Shining Star

Home Improvements:

OMG! This woman on HGTV just showed the up lighting in her house. (I don't know what you call it except up lighting where you have a ledge just below the ceiling in which you hide lights that shine up toward the ceiling.)

This brilliant woman took cheap gutters from the hardware store and painted them to match her walls. Then she had them hung just below the ceiling, threw in some lights where no one can see...heck, you could even use $3/strand Christmas lights and it would still look custom and expensive. Isn't that a great idea? (Someone out there with more initiative than I should really tackle this project and post pictures so I can brag and say you heard it here first.)

I want to put somethings out there so I can be held accountable. Ask me about my projects in exactly one month. Nesting instinct will kick in by then and I'll be moving forward on things that have to get done by September:

1. Finish my bedroom (paining, drapes, and pretty accessories.) I would love for it to turn out something like this. I also have to pick out light fixtures for the master bathroom and cabinet hardware, too.

2. Put together a nursery. The room is painted SW Blonde (which Girly Stuff says we will be changing.) All the furniture is white: crib, changing table, bookcase (5 ft tall with the cubes on top to put fabric baskets in and regular shelves on the bottom.) I'm thinking we'll buy a new upholstered club chair/glider. I have a chest in the garage from my parents' house that I wouldn't mind working in somehow. My ideas for this room are scattered and unfocused so GS taking me by the hand. Her first recommendation is that I should find white crib bedding.

More white? That's what I thought, and I wasn't seeing the all-white vision, but after I stumbled on to this pretty bit of inspiration, I'm going to trust her and go with it.

Entertainment:

In other unimportant news, does anyone else think Clint Eastwood makes the best "human suffering" movies on the planet? Hello, Million Dollar Baby? Mystic River. Unforgiven.

(You thought I was going to talk about MJ, didn't you? Hmmph!)

We just rented Gran Torino and I loved it! It had a strangely uplifting and sad ending; how is that even possible except for a genius like Clint Eastwood? Me thinks he was born to make movies.


I cried laughing every time Clint (playing a quick-tempered old racist) came out packing the heat against the neighborhood gangsters. The slurs were flying. Everyone knows an old bastard like that who has lived long enough that they just don't care anymore and "get off my lawn." Walt Kowalski was hilarious to me...the bigot with the heart of gold.

(I laugh when I'm supposed to be crying at movies...I've been told that's weird.)

I'm starting to feel like the last person on the planet who hasn't seen Hangover. The Micker saw it twice! Maybe I'll sneak out this weekend and see it by myself since MMA already saw it. Call me if you want to catch a movie!

Or not...I don't mind eating a whole bucket of popcorn by myself if necessary.

Birthday Parties and Labor

I've been hiding out from the extreme Texas heat. It's been sizzling (even by Houston standards) and its only June.

No one is showing up to feed me ice-cold grapes in the heat of the day. Or fan me while I lie on a hammock .

Sigh.

Keeping Only Child entertained inside all day (did I mention naps are dead?) means never a quiet moment. This high maintenance only-child racket is swiftly coming to an end.

My little boy will be four years old in July! We went to my nephew's birthday party this weekend. He also turned four and it was a perfect plan: a small crowd at a shaded, covered park pavilion. Chick-fil-A tray. Simple. Easy.

The heat was so oppressive that the birthday boy was threatening to heave by the time the clown was packing up.

I'm SO not up to throwing a big party right now! (Or even a little one.)

Our family alone totals more than 20 people. We live on a street full of kids, 15 kids to be exact. My good friends have 13 kids between them. Who to leave out when we love them all?

Decisions had to be made and so they were made.

Only Child thinks staying in a hotel is a great adventure. I figure we'll stay in Galveston and make a weekend out of it...take him to the beach on his birthday, lunch somewhere, order a cake...everyone is happy.

Isn't that a great plan? Who wouldn't like to stay in Galveston for their birthday?

And when did kid birthday parties get so out of control? I must admit, the cost of throwing a party at the usual places has tipped the scales in favor of my Galveston plan. I was trying to think of something different to do because parties at Chuck E Cheese and the bouncy place are so popular that I'm afraid my son doesn't appreciate how special they are.

And, I hate to admit it, but my kid has come to expect a nice goody bag on the way out the door after a hosting family has already dropped a nice chunk on the festivities. (And I am fully part of the circuit, don't get me wrong.)

No more. I'm starting a movement of Mom's breaking the cycle of extravagant kid parties...the MBCEKP, if you will. No more dropping the equivalent of a car payment on kid parties. My organization calls for a retro celebration, or none at all.

Who is with me?

Am I sounding like a scrooge yet? It gets better...

On to labor.

Mistakes were made the first time around. We didn't have a plan. I didn't know I would be cowering in pain and waiting HOURS for that epidural. My husband left the hospital with his mother to buy a hamburger while I was in labor and then he was too...nice to ask his family to leave when I begged it of him in his ear. I had to do it myself.

That is all unacceptable.

This time around, if "you" haven't had dinner before the show starts...there will be granola bars in my suitcase.

Also, we will receive no visitors until after the blood and gore.

I take that back. My SIL Julie, the shining star of birth I, who took care of me during the dinner-run has forever ingratiated herself to me. She was my comrade in the trenches. Julie may enter the room, if she would like. And I will be comfortable in saying, "OK, thanks for coming, bye now."

So friends and family, please don't be offended that I don't want to take center stage in my most vulnerable hour. Please understand why you didn't get an invitation to the big 4 year celebration and why you won't get an invitation to the next birth-day, either.

We'll take lots of pictures and fill in the colorful details here.

When I start to feel anxious...

I have been thinking about our future as a family of four and how much of a change Little Guy's going to bring. (And of course all the extra joy and love along with him.) I marvel at the thought of doubling my life's responsibility from one day to another.

I admit, I've thought about how hard it will be to start over with a new baby.

Things have gotten so much easier little by little, I hardly remember what it was like to change ten diapers a day, feed every three hours, sleep-when-you-can in short spurts. Then we reach an age where every corner is a bruise waiting to happen and regular household objects are potential choking hazards.

"How am I going to manage to do anything around the house when I can't seem to do it now?" I find myself wondering..."Can I juggle all this -- and be proud of the job I'm doing?"

Then I think about my neighbor who just had triplets on Thursday. That's right, triplets! And that's a whole 'nuther ball game. Another league, on another planet, I might imagine.

I've been thinking about them quite a bit lately. When a concern comes up in my mind about our family, I find myself praying for her family (including their four year old daughter) to navigate their way through their challenges.

The baby girls, identical twins and a third sibling, were born big (4 lb +) and healthy. Things are off to a good start!

Every time I feel anxious, I remember this precious family. If I'm in a marathon, they are embarking on the Ironman Triathalon. And every concern I have about our family (Is this baby going to be healthy? Do we have enough life insurance? How will we afford X,Y,Z?...) seems manageable in perspective.

Their story keeps getting more exciting: check out this article in the Houston Chronicle.

God is marvelous!

We can do this.