Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mrs. McNair & Love Talk

So now its confirmed, Jon and Kate are over and he's left his family in their big broken home to party on the Riviera with another woman instead of being there to walk his kids through their sadness and confusion.

That's no good.

I know I'm blogging about old news, but was anyone else aghast at the public pain and humiliation that Mrs. Steve McNair must have endured because her husband couldn't keep home where it belonged?!

This lady is someone I never knew existed until the story of her husband's death broke, and suddenly I'm feeling compassion and even anger for her at the consequences of her husband's choices.

And now the McNair kids don't have a dad because he picked the craziest Hooters waitress in all of Tennessee to mess around with??!! I'm mad for those kids, too.

When the McNair story was unfolding, MMA and I actually discussed this question: "What would hit you first, the pain or the anger, if you were Mrs. McNair?"

That was an interesting conversation.

We've been having lots of conversations like that recently because there have been so many people around us that are caught up in the hell of marital infidelity. People that we know, people like us (married for a few years, kids, seemingly established in their relationship) who are hitting a dangerous stage that comes out of no where.

Or does it?

In talking about this very real danger to any marriage, I hope we're moving in the right direction to protect what we have. But I know that talking is not enough. We are so guilty of not depositing into the marriage account on a regular basis. We might get a REAL date night every six months. Paltry isn't it?

We're in a Bible study group with three couples. When we get child care for Bible study, that's our adult socializing time. And its great, but certainly its not time that we're investing just for us to enjoy each other's company.

And yet we know the right thing to do here. It's like eating fast food. We know it's not healthy or nutritious, but we eat it anyway because it's easy. Sometimes I feel like we're feeding our marriage fast food instead of the good stuff. I tell myself that we're in a season in life that requires less time for ourselves so we can take care of our young family.

But at what cost? I love our family and wouldn't trade it for a second honeymoon (wait, let me think about that for a, I wouldn't trade it) but I'll be honest, I miss those carefree years; BK everything was easier...not more joyous, but easier for sure.

I love MMA and I'm lucky to have him. And I intend to keep it that way! We are embarking on a new Bible study with our group that is dedicated to improving communication within marriage. I'm looking forward to it. It's about time for a tune-up every couple of years, right?

So if anyone out there has the perfect marriage with the se
cret to spousal communication, go ahead and forward me the Cliff's notes so we can skip the book and just hang out with our CFs. (And still reap the benefits of the preventative maintenance.)

And let me tell you what, our bible stu
dy kicks a$$! I don't know if you're allowed to say that about a bible study, but we laugh, enjoy good food and wine, open up about real issues that we all struggle with and we put each other on the spot about growing in faith and pushing forward. It's not a safe-haven for anyone who wants to just listen and be left alone. (Which was where MMA was five years ago when I dragged him into it. And look at him now, he's the one calling me out on little white lies and the moral gray areas.)

I'm so glad to be Mrs. MMA!

I'll leave you with a couple of questions, and I especially want to hear from anyone who has learned things the hard way, (married or dating) how do you keep balance in your relationship with so much vying for your time? How do you invest in your relationship? What have you learned about communication within a relationship?


Aggie2percenter said...

I'm so glad you're Mrs. MMA. I had a great time Saturday night. We'll have to do that again soon just the two of us.

Tooj said...

I'd have to get back to you on that. The struggle is BIG. The time is small. The errors are continuous.

Girly Stuff said...

I don't have any great answers about how to keep it fresh. I will say, I have gotten my "groove back" when each of my kids turned four. Things got a little easier and I could pay attention to my husband a little more. We don't have very many date nights, but we have one trip we take annually that gives us a boost.

The American Homemaker said...

I'm going through my second divorce in two years. I probably am not much help when it comes to the relationship thing, but I can tell you what doesn't work. LOL

Dishonesty, anger, emotional/verbal abuse and disrespect all don't work. So I guess to make a marriage work then you must do the opposite of these :)

Have you ever read the Five Love Languages? It's a really good read about how to communicate in your partners love language. If you haven't read it, you should look into it and read it together.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Oh what a post. I don't have the answers because we're going through the 7 yr itch and not giving each other what we both need. We talk about but we have to stop just giving eachother that fast food you brilliantly mentioned.

As for McNair, I feel most awful for those kids.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh, this is a great post too. Gary and I barely ever get to go out. I think it is very hard on our relationship. He works all the time, and when he comes home at night, I am tired. And stressed. And I freak out a lot. He hates that. I am trying to do better. I failed last night. This was a good reminder. I am going to pray about communicating better with him today! : )