Tuesday, January 27, 2009

O no, not again!

Did you catch that cover of Oprah in the check out line this month? Fat Again or some such headline caught my eye. Her story in her own words.

I turned on the TV last week and there she was describing her predicament, "Well, I decided to talk about my weight because I know everyone else is talking about it..." You know how she does when she shakes her head and speaks in that fake southern accent and hyper-emphasizes her expressions.

Let's go O-ver this. Humor me. Remember the first time she exploited getting skinny 20+ years ago? Remember the skinny jeans and the boots...I think I was in middle school. Then, she "did it" the good and healthy way and decried the evils of diet pills and sold the new methodology. And now, this? It's like deja vu, except, she really did already walk this road, very publicly. And she's exploiting her weight, again?

I wonder if she fell off the wagon on the advice of her accountant.

Here's the irony of the situation: now she's decided to make money on "the before" and she doesn't even have to put in the work, except lip-service. Is she so worshipped and are her words so credit-worthy that she can cash in on being overweight in America, of all places in the world?

A few observations:

It's like selling ice to Eskimos.
Oprah is a brilliant profiteer.
This really is the land of opportunity.

And we know that whatever she's doing doesn't stick. Thankfully she's not falling back on the food-addiction bit. She acknowledged that she knows what to do, she just doesn't want to do it. I O-ppreciate that.

If I could do what she does, and create an industry (worth millions) out of my weaknesses, then I'd control the world and pick the next President, too.

Ohhh, did I really say that? Of course she didn't pick the President, but her words are resoundingly influential. Remember when the beef industry rose up against the Oprah-industry because she said what she said and (they thought) she cost them a fortune in lost red meat sales?

Can you imagine your words being so revered?

"Great people of America, today I am going to tell you about being a slovenly, messy home-maker. Walk with me as I invoke the experts to teach me to become a fit, fabulous, super-do-it-all mom. Let's do it together. Buy my home making products, read my blog (and thereby support my faithful advertisers) and we will conquer this great problem together..."

(And please contact my agent if you think we can profit on the likeness of my adorable child. He can model for Walmart, if they pay better than Target, even though I truly prefer shopping at HEB.)

Who will be my Gail?

Monday, January 26, 2009

Silly Stuff

In response to Tooj's Board Games Gone Blog, I have all the answers. (I love board games, too!)

1. Things you shouldn't do with glue

Fix your split ends.

2. Things you shouldn't touch

If you are a guy, the "B" word, or the "C" word.

3. Things you'd like to do with chocolate

Melt it and dip things in it.

4. Things you shouldn't attempt at my age

low cut jeans/skinny jeans (they flatter no one, but teen-agers don't know any better.)

5. Things that should have an expiration date


6. Things you shouldn't do when you are naked

Ride in the back of a pick up truck, Tubing down the Guadalupe, Bungee jump...should I go on?

Silly, Silly! Have a great week!