Tuesday, January 27, 2009

O no, not again!

Did you catch that cover of Oprah in the check out line this month? Fat Again or some such headline caught my eye. Her story in her own words.

I turned on the TV last week and there she was describing her predicament, "Well, I decided to talk about my weight because I know everyone else is talking about it..." You know how she does when she shakes her head and speaks in that fake southern accent and hyper-emphasizes her expressions.

Let's go O-ver this. Humor me. Remember the first time she exploited getting skinny 20+ years ago? Remember the skinny jeans and the boots...I think I was in middle school. Then, she "did it" the good and healthy way and decried the evils of diet pills and sold the new methodology. And now, this? It's like deja vu, except, she really did already walk this road, very publicly. And she's exploiting her weight, again?

I wonder if she fell off the wagon on the advice of her accountant.

Here's the irony of the situation: now she's decided to make money on "the before" and she doesn't even have to put in the work, except lip-service. Is she so worshipped and are her words so credit-worthy that she can cash in on being overweight in America, of all places in the world?

A few observations:

It's like selling ice to Eskimos.
Oprah is a brilliant profiteer.
This really is the land of opportunity.

And we know that whatever she's doing doesn't stick. Thankfully she's not falling back on the food-addiction bit. She acknowledged that she knows what to do, she just doesn't want to do it. I O-ppreciate that.

If I could do what she does, and create an industry (worth millions) out of my weaknesses, then I'd control the world and pick the next President, too.

Ohhh, did I really say that? Of course she didn't pick the President, but her words are resoundingly influential. Remember when the beef industry rose up against the Oprah-industry because she said what she said and (they thought) she cost them a fortune in lost red meat sales?

Can you imagine your words being so revered?

"Great people of America, today I am going to tell you about being a slovenly, messy home-maker. Walk with me as I invoke the experts to teach me to become a fit, fabulous, super-do-it-all mom. Let's do it together. Buy my home making products, read my blog (and thereby support my faithful advertisers) and we will conquer this great problem together..."

(And please contact my agent if you think we can profit on the likeness of my adorable child. He can model for Walmart, if they pay better than Target, even though I truly prefer shopping at HEB.)

Who will be my Gail?

16 comments:

chacha said...

Dude, Oprah kind of sucks. I NEVER pay attention to her because, to me, all she cares about is money.

I question how much she influenced the people's voting because I know there are lots of people like he that could care less what she says (and in fact, would be apt to do the opposite).

And did you see that the idiot Blegojevich was thinking of her as the Senate replacement? What planet is he on?

Kelly said...

I lost my O-ffection for Oprah a long time ago when she started in with all the new age, Secret business. You hit the nail on the head, and made me crack up doing it!

Woman Interrupted said...

Actually, Chacha, that makes alot of sense. If he's selling a senate seat, who's got more money than O?

Girly Stuff said...

I'll be your Gail!!!! Pick me! Pick me!

I will go on blind internet dates for you!!! And have my heart scanned!!! And run your magazine!!!

We could make millions and get Palin elected! Hahahahahaha!

Jennifer Allwood said...

Palin power! Palin Power! Ohhhh sorry... just responding to Girly Stuff.

Yeah, I can't watch Oprah anymore. She's lukewarm. I wish she'd use all of her influence for good. I pray for her. That's my 2 cents.

Jennifer Allwood said...

In response to Girly Stuff... "Palin in 2012!!!"

I can't watch Oprah anymore. I wish she'd use all her influence for good. I pray for her.

Love the post, Jennifer

Jennifer Allwood said...

Ok... so I sent a comment twice.... and now 3 times... I'm a dork. Sorry!

Judy said...

Thanks for your sweet comment. The wall color is Latte (BM or SW). I can't remember the cabinet color but it's not a stark white. If you're interested in the cabinet color, please e-mail me and I'll get the paint can out to see what it says.

Judy

meg manion silliker said...

you had me at the fake southern accent!!!

Tooj said...

There is a slovenly homemaker who profited from everyone. She just went about it a different way than Oprah...and her name is Martha Stewart. Everyone profits in this country, but it just comes out with a different kind of following and love.

Terra said...

I am SO your Gail. Except my name is Terra and I laughed out loud at every line in that post. SO well said I actually believe you could take over the world and pick the pres (or maybe even be) of the USA. I have not watched a single episode of Oprah in its entirety (sp?)and what little I did watch...she lost me at Dr. Phil.

Terra

Aggie2percenter said...

I love the way so many are trying to distance themselves from Oprah. It's hilarious! Everyone says, I don't watch, but...(insert tidbit from show). Oprah rules!

Miss Priss said...

You are so stinkin funny! I love you w"O"man Interupted! Preach on!!!

Sarah @ Thrifty Decor Chick said...

I cannot STAND Oprah. She freaks me OUT. I really, really think she has lost her mind.

Heather said...

Too funny!

Tooj said...

Where have you been?? Hmmm...