Thursday, January 8, 2009

Mysery Solved!

Does anyone else get mysterious grease spots on their clothes? Especially on your shirts in the front where you might mistake them for evidence of sloppy eating?

But then, trying to be more careful at the table, and knowing that you did not soil your clothes while eating, the grease spots continue to puzzle you? Because its uncanny how they show up on even your new clothes, ones that you were extra-protective of...

I had a revelation today. Two actually.

I have a greasy orange stain on my right shoulder. The sniff test revealed it to be a Nacho Cheese Dorito smear. Cool Ranch, yes; Nacho Cheese, not so much. And anyway, as you know, I'm stayin away from that junk

Hmm. Only Child ate Nacho Doritos just before I spanked him. He jumped into my arms, cleaving like a baby koala, and cried into that very shoulder. Seemingly heartbroken. Jedi mind tricks in play, I momentarily felt bad about spanking him. There was monsterly behavior that warranted a spanking (and a puny spanking it was, at that.)

Conclusion A: greasy little hands caused greasy little spots on 1/2 of my working wardrobe (i.e. the good T's.) I used to love wearing the color white. And khaki. Nowadays I'm always wearing black. Go figure!

Conclusion B: He adores me when I spank him. When I try to reason and ask nicely, I get the pay-you-no-mind response, or worse. But when I spank, he responds according to my wishes and as a bonus, I get to cuddle with my too-big-to-cuddle boy.

Discussion:
I refuse to postulate about the damage spanking does to his id or his ego. The kid is plenty confident.

I'm the one with the Pavlovian treat at the end. And the schmears on all my clothes that say, "kid-whipped." (And it does hurt me more than it hurts him.)

Results:
Spank as needed and buy more Spray N Wash*

*Interesting Footnote: I never even knew what that was until 3 years ago...

4 comments:

Girly Stuff said...

Good experiment Doctor! What's next? Are you going to solve the Toddler Eat-What-Is-On-Your-Plate-for-the-love-of-God-EAT-IT conundrum?

Tooj said...

4 year just got a spanking yesterday and is working on one today. LOL No need to justify it to ME! That's for certain...and I agree with the "there's nothing wrong with his confidence" theory. And as for the grease stains...I'm glad you're able to blame OC. I have only my sloppiness to blame. I have this one shirt that, on first wear during my most recent pregnancy, felt a big BLOB fall onto the cleavage section. Great. It was stained for the rest of the pregnancy, and I WORE IT ANYWAY.

chacha said...

I have no kids at the moment, but I can't say I'm against an occasional spanking. Depends on the kid and the circumstance.

Funny that you were talking about grease stains because that same day I was looking at my pants that are fairly new-ish and they have a stinkin' stain on them that won't come out but I refuse to get rid of them since they are newer than other pants in my closet (and they fit which is key).

Oh, and I used to have to give myself phone-call pep talks, too. And then sometimes I would hang up the phone in mid-dial because I would psyche myself out. I'm better now, but I still procrastinate way too much on actually getting it done.

Miss Priss said...

Sometimes I find the greasy spots after the garment has been washed and dried...and no, we are not talking about Daddy's underware...anyway I have found the DdSolve-It is the best stain remover, sticky mess remover on the market...forget goo gone and spray and wash at Walmart, go to Ace Hardware and get DeSolve-It...also glad to know that I am not the only parent out there spanking children...it feels that way sometimes....