Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'm Baaack Bitches!

Yes, that was unnecessary profanity (which MMA abhors.) I'm a huge fan of Dave Chappelle and that seems like a Chappellism, right? But there's never a good occasion to bust out with "bitches" live; otherwise I would. So, I thought I'd sneak it in, but by qualifying, it loses the edge somewhat. I'll work on working it in some other way.

Does anyone remember the "Krazee Eyez Killa" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm? Where Larry (caricatured old Jewish man) gives Krazee Eyez Killa, a Rapper, material for a song he's working on? We loved that one until our DVR, of its own initiative, weeded it out of our TV library. I would link you to the You Tube video, but its far smuttier than I remembered and this is a family blog.

It's so awkward to hear people like Larry and I slang and slur and try to be hip. But, I digress.

I've been away so long I was afraid I would lose my conditional readers. Here's the thing, my computer went haywire exactly one day after I said "Honey, maybe you should back up those digital pictures to the external hard drive. You know, the one my bro got us over a year ago." Fate had been toyed with too long, and a comment like that must be appeased.

One day later I was feeling nauseous at the prospect of losing all my digital pictures out of sheer carelessness. Then, Super Ricardo (names have been changed...) came to my house and CAME TO MY HOUSE and with his valuable skills, saved the day. Way above and beyond, he went! I would like to send him a gift certificate so he can take his lovely wife to dinner sometime, (if I only knew the name of his favorite restaurant...if I could only get a clue from an anonymous commenter.) I would be SO thrilled to show my appreciation to him. It was a near disastrous situation and I really am grateful!

And, I'm back up and running! I've missed blogging, so.

My decorator and I have been hard at work picking out paint colors and fabric for my bathrooms. Now we've moved on to mirrors and fixtures. This is a special kind of decorator, bitches (just doesn't flow, huh?) She sent me home with presents: a new shower curtain and hooks which I love infinitely more than if I'd picked them out myself, because, now they're "designer."


I felt so important walking around the stores with her doling out professional advice. She's really good at tactfully redirecting me when I start throwing around garish suggestions. If I could just get her to act a little more pretentious in Hobby Lobby, so people would know she's the designer, it would fulfill my delusions!

How's everyone doing with the 'ol resolutions? I will admit that on my first day after the New Year's break (I know, a break before I even got started) I went to Chick Fil A...for Only Child's benefit, of course. Isn't that always the excuse? Someone else needs something and I'm wearing the next size up?

So maybe the resolution should not be about eating better, maybe the promise should be about making my well-being a priority, rather than letting the to do's dictate my day and giving myself the greasy left-overs: figuratively, literally.

I could also hone my time-management skills so I don't cry "no time." Work them out, flex those muscles. I haven't kept a calendar of my own in almost three years! All of my appointments and important dates are written on the tacky calendar on the wall in my kitchen. Sloppy. That's about on par with going to the store in sweats and slippers. (Been there.)

But I'm better than that. Tomorrow we start over.

I'm made Pad Thai for dinner (with no MSG.) Only Child said "thank you for making this Mad Pie, mommy. I really like it!"

(Heart Smiling) Good Night!
Stay classy, San Diego.

Happy Birthday, Lee!

6 comments:

Girly Stuff said...

We're glad you're back, Bitch!

See how deftly I worked that in to the comment section?

Thank you for already buying us dinner the night we came over. A second one is not necessary!

And next time we go to Hobby Lobby, I will wear my skin tight leopard pants and the gold hoop earrings. That way when I boss the help around it is more pretentiously effective!

chacha said...

"Go F*** yourself, San Diego"

Ha! I love that movie. We have it - I'm gonna have to watch that again, soon.

Aggie2percenter said...

Ricardo is the man! He may have saved our marriage.

Aggie2percenter said...

Oh! and watch your language. I think my mom reads this. Just kidding, she knows you have a potty mouth.

Christie said...

A few things:

1. The word 'bitches' just can't be used enough. I wish I had racy enough friends to call them that. I LOVE that word.

2. We will have to see before and after painting pictures. Get started on them stat.

3. I need your pad thai recipe.

That's all.

Heather said...

Pad thai sounds so yummy...