Now on to the Duggars

I can't jive with the Duggar family, either. My reasons are very shallow.

I don't watch the show because I find myself screaming (inside) "Stop having kids already!! Jim Bob, for the love of God, please leave that poor woman alone!"


First of all, can one mother care for all of those children? The older children have had adult responsibilities put upon them because of the parents' choices. Doing chores and helping around the house is a good thing for kids. But should it be on the kids to do all the laundry, all the cooking, all the cleaning. I get the impression that the kids handle the chores so mom can be fresh for her dates with dad. And they are serious about their date nights!

And who, pray tell, gets up in the middle of the night to feed the always-present infant? I suspect the older kids are on night-bottle-duty because Michelle and Jim Bob have to sleep sometime.

OK, home schooling. I was a teacher once...how can one person home school all of those kids? Its a full time job to teach one subject or one grade level, much less fifteen kids of different ages while caring for toddlers and infants. I can't understand how even a mediocre effort is possible. And yet, the kids seem well-spoken and admirably polite.

My neighbor pointed out to me that Michelle is now in her forties and the odds are much greater that she might have a child with Downs Syndrome. Being educated people who have already been blessed with many healthy children, I wonder if that risk puts any weight on their heart.

I know that there was a time when agrarian society made large families more practical. But that time is long over and I don't get it in this day and age. Religious explanations don't add up for me either, because in my interpretation, God wants us to have quality over quantity in our family structure.

In fairness to the Duggars, they do seem to be a nice family. I like their soft-spoken humility. Obviously to them, more is more.

I see a family that big and I think, having SO many takes away from your ability to do for the ones you already have and clearly love. Health care, higher education, the occasional dinner out...geez! Makes my head spin.

Example: I did a quick estimate in my head and came up with $2000/day...that's how much it would cost to take a family of twenty to Disneyland. Per Day! Can you imagine? OK, so maybe they don't place the same value on taking their kids to Disneyland as I do. Or maybe they do want frivolous things and that's why they do the show. Or maybe they do the show just to put food on the table, and in that case, what about families like the Duggars who don't have a show?

In fair disclosure, I come from a big family. There are seven of us kids. I have no ill-will about being from a big family. I liked that our house was never quiet and there was always something going on. Our family vacations were modest and still wonderfully memorable (usually road trips in our VW pop up van -- sweet.) But I always knew that I would never want more than 2, maybe 3 kids.

I guess my background makes me especially critical of the Gosselins; I am a product of public schools but not public assistance. And they're so shameless about soliciting the handouts. Oh, they could do it on their own, with sacrifices that they are not interested in. And if we're comparing apples to apples, both families make a living in the same way.

So back to the Duggars and a show that seems to glorify having all the kids God and a body will allow. But, what about the hardships? Can they do even one "real" episode where preteen daughter throws a hissy fit because she can't have the latest jeans that everyone else her age wears. Or fifteen year son old tells mom and dad he's going on a date so they'll have to watch their own kids tonight. Even the Bradys got out of line every once in a while. How about the episode where mom reveals she has to use adult diapers after all those babies. Again, I say, there's no reality in these so-called reality shows!

One last note, a blog called Tom and Trix Plus Six does a great parody of both shows complete with avatars. And I thought I was too involved...

My Gosselin Prediction

The prediction? They're on their way out. We loved them back in the day, but now they're just another showbiz family. So unless the 'tups kids can sing and dance...

I was forewarned that this subject has already been much-blogged about. But I have to say something about Jon & Kate Plus 8 and how reality TV has taken the reality right out of their lives.

I watched on occasion; never faithfully. Once upon a time, MMA and I liked to giggle and watch as Type A mom manages her eight, make that, nine children. We were amused by the chaos and constant motion of their household. And, admittedly, watching the show made us feel better about our day-to-day parenting and marital struggles.

Now I'm kind of over it.

One day I turned on the show and realized that their day-to-day lives have become a blur of all expense paid trips, speaking engagements and celebrity perks, one after another. Kate makes no bones about it. Her family brings attention where ever they go, and that attention is a marketable asset.

"So, you want to put braces on my twins? That will cost you $14K apiece and we'll need your office as a green room during filming... You want us to stay at your hotel in Hawaii? You will have to fly out our family, extended family, and entourage of hired help and discuss the incidentals with our attorney... Sure, we can do a segment where we "shop" in your store for the show...and you will provide us with a year of groceries in exchange...and we eat only organic, by the way."

Now, on the one hand, who can blame them? They've got eight little bodies to Gymboree and people were going to peek in their windows anyway, (or so Kate has said on the show.) And now both Jon and Kate get to be stay at home parents with one additional responsibility: managing the family endorsements. They are not unlike the Jackson Five; they are the Gosselin Ten.

But on the other hand, its not as interesting to watch Kate march around a mansion with fancy highlights and a nanny two steps behind while she barks out orders and belittles her husband who now has no where else to be. Their life was never normal, but you have to admit the oh-my-God-how-will-they-do-it? factor made them more interesting. And with all the responsibilities of starring in a popular reality show, how much time is really devoted to the kids and how much goes into the family business?

Kate is a first-class stage mom, who reserves the spotlight for herself. We know how meticulous she is...whole shows have been dedicated to her obsessive behaviour. But that was comic relief, because no one is really that organized, right? Particularly not a mom with eight small kids, but she managed to have tight systems in place and bake homemade birthday cakes and sneak in numerous trips away with her husband before the big-money days. Now that Kate has willed and clawed her brood into reality show stardom, just think of the pimped out closets this has afforded her! Now she can match the kids every day of the week in...whatever celebrity moms dress their kids in these days.

It's become sort of a bizarre, Nick at Nite meets Dynasty with lots of unnecessary drama and at least six well-behaved kids; Mady, or Kate, being the Alexis-tyrant on any given episode.

But now that we know how they manage, (the family, in particular, the children, have been leveraged to afford the lifestyle they desired) I don't find them as endearing anymore. The kids are precious, don't get me wrong. I sincerely hope that their fifteen minutes doesn't haunt them later on down the road.

Jon & Kate's new house (check it out) is nothing short of a compound, very secluded, on acreage and is reportedly worth 1.3 million dollars. They've come a long way from the welfare days. (Those sextuplets have been worth their weight in gold, if its not to brassy of me to point out.)

It was a good ride. I enjoyed watching over the years, and look what a franchise they've become...

And now some delusional broad has just had eight babies by in vitro! You can take the girl with big dreams of turning her womb into a moneymaker out of the Jack in the Box... (And ya, if you have 14 babies without a man in the picture that pretty much makes you a "broad." Sorry Ms. Schmidt*)

O no, not again!

Did you catch that cover of Oprah in the check out line this month? Fat Again or some such headline caught my eye. Her story in her own words.

I turned on the TV last week and there she was describing her predicament, "Well, I decided to talk about my weight because I know everyone else is talking about it..." You know how she does when she shakes her head and speaks in that fake southern accent and hyper-emphasizes her expressions.

Let's go O-ver this. Humor me. Remember the first time she exploited getting skinny 20+ years ago? Remember the skinny jeans and the boots...I think I was in middle school. Then, she "did it" the good and healthy way and decried the evils of diet pills and sold the new methodology. And now, this? It's like deja vu, except, she really did already walk this road, very publicly. And she's exploiting her weight, again?

I wonder if she fell off the wagon on the advice of her accountant.

Here's the irony of the situation: now she's decided to make money on "the before" and she doesn't even have to put in the work, except lip-service. Is she so worshipped and are her words so credit-worthy that she can cash in on being overweight in America, of all places in the world?

A few observations:

It's like selling ice to Eskimos.
Oprah is a brilliant profiteer.
This really is the land of opportunity.

And we know that whatever she's doing doesn't stick. Thankfully she's not falling back on the food-addiction bit. She acknowledged that she knows what to do, she just doesn't want to do it. I O-ppreciate that.

If I could do what she does, and create an industry (worth millions) out of my weaknesses, then I'd control the world and pick the next President, too.

Ohhh, did I really say that? Of course she didn't pick the President, but her words are resoundingly influential. Remember when the beef industry rose up against the Oprah-industry because she said what she said and (they thought) she cost them a fortune in lost red meat sales?

Can you imagine your words being so revered?

"Great people of America, today I am going to tell you about being a slovenly, messy home-maker. Walk with me as I invoke the experts to teach me to become a fit, fabulous, super-do-it-all mom. Let's do it together. Buy my home making products, read my blog (and thereby support my faithful advertisers) and we will conquer this great problem together..."

(And please contact my agent if you think we can profit on the likeness of my adorable child. He can model for Walmart, if they pay better than Target, even though I truly prefer shopping at HEB.)

Who will be my Gail?

Silly Stuff

In response to Tooj's Board Games Gone Blog, I have all the answers. (I love board games, too!)

1. Things you shouldn't do with glue

Fix your split ends.

2. Things you shouldn't touch

If you are a guy, the "B" word, or the "C" word.

3. Things you'd like to do with chocolate

Melt it and dip things in it.

4. Things you shouldn't attempt at my age

low cut jeans/skinny jeans (they flatter no one, but teen-agers don't know any better.)

5. Things that should have an expiration date

Grudges

6. Things you shouldn't do when you are naked

Ride in the back of a pick up truck, Tubing down the Guadalupe, Bungee jump...should I go on?



Silly, Silly! Have a great week!

Soul Food and Conservation in Texas

I am so excited to share a story with you that will feed your soul. A true story that is so amazing, its hard to imagine such a thing could really happen. But it did and it happened in a small town not far from where I live (and not many years ago.)

I'm talking about a DVD that was given to us for Christmas called The Heart of Texas. It is a documentary that recreates the story of a couple of families brought together by God to demonstrate His awesome power and love. It is a modern day Job story.

OK, so I said modern day. The characters don't lose camels or develop boils, but they experience heartache and loss in the most profound way. But through faith, their lives and pain are used as instruments for God's purpose.

Does anyone want to see how God can and does, in this day and age, work miraculous feats through ordinary people? I have a copy and I want to share it! (Is it wrong to bootleg so that more people can experience this?...hee...hee.)

I AM being intentionally vague about describing this DVD, because I don't want to spoil it for anyone. I hope you watch it...this is the most decadent kind of soul food!

My thoughts
I was just asking (out lout) some "whys?" earlier this week. I heard such a great viewpoint in this DVD about how the family quenched their thirst for answers. I guess if you ask, you shall receive what you need. But God is not content with giving just enough. Our prosperity is His joy. I believe that, because I have experienced some pain and trials of my own. And I seem to come out stronger and better on the other side.

Well, its a beautiful story and I wanted to share. But that's where I'll stop because I'm called to a different purpose than blog ministry. I'm called to entertain and bring joy by making light of the state of affairs in privileged-suburbia. This is the Jungle and I am Upton Sinclair, or something.

And for my part, I will continue to recycle my milk jugs and my wine bottles and to use common sense to minimize my carbon footprint. I only run full loads in the washing machine and dishwasher. Looking forward, I will strive to make one meal per week that is meat-free because our animal consumption is off the charts and gluttonous. And when either of our paid-off cars goes belly-up (which could happen soon) I will pledge to go with a greener people-mover, no leather. And I am partially motivated by the cost of gas and the size of my pa-dunk-a-dunk and electricity bills and so forth. But I also deplore wastefulness!

And if my train of thought confuses, check out what Girly Stuff and Chacha are talking about these days.

Tag, you're it!

She's my "Laaaa-deh!"

It's official. The new administration is in the house and Mr. and Mrs Bush are by now on a plane headed back for the Crawford Ranch. They'll probably be dining on King Ranch Chicken, guacamole and margaritas tonight to celebrate...that's how I picture them: laid back, Texas upper crust.

This one's for you, Laura:

Good-bye, Lady. Southern girl, done good! You crossed the finish line and never broke a sweat. The twins are out of college and involved in serious endeavors and respectable relationships. (Chuys shenanigans behind them, book deals and all!)

I admired your style, your charitable involvement and your sense of humor. (I guess you need that when you've married, um, W.)

Good-bye, Laura, school teacher, book-lover, Mom, First Lady. You really did fulfill the promise of bringing dignity back to the White House and acted the part of a "Lady" every step of the way! Hopefully, your successors will learn from your example. You will be missed!

I can't wish my fond farewells without saying something about this significant day. The Democrats get a turn, now. If I was ten years younger and had less life and work experience, I'd say, "A black president, so what." But I know enough (barely) to be amazed at this new era for politics and life, in general. Good for us!

I still don't like big government, but I acknowledge that my party lost its mind and needs to rethink who we are and where we're headed. We need someone with strong personality, with a perfect balance of class and street cred to embody this new identity. If the "Good Old Boys club" days are not completely behind us, shall we say, we're moving in the right direction? I sincerely hope so!

My pick for one to watch? George P. Bush...remember him speaking at the GOP convention in '04? He was dubbed the Ricky Martin of the GOP, or did I make that up? (It's cool, I'm a peep.) His mom's a Colombian princess or something (again, I could have made that up.)

"P" is from the lone line of Hispanic Bushes. (That's lone.)

Pedigree: Check
Law Degree: Check
Ivy League Educated: Almost, Rice U
Minority: Check plus bonus points (because Latin is the new majority, doncha know?)
Hollywood Connections: Does going to high school with Enrique Iglesias count?
Political Connections: Check and Check

I don't know anything about his politics, but I think he could be a promising new face for the GOP.

Good night, and Good-bye.

Everything you ever wanted to Ask but were too afraid to get Answered

Only Child has been asking me the same question for weeks and I don't have a good answer. By smoke and mirrors, I keep being evasive because he still thinks mommy know everything. I don't want to burst his bubble for as long as possible. And, its sweet to be looked up to like that.

The question is, "Mommy, why does God make thunder? Why mommy?"

Then I say something like, "God made everything. Just like he made the sun and the stars and you and me. So God wanted there to be thunder and he made it."

Then he says, "But why? Thunder is so loud and scary. Why did God make thunder?" (There have been variations, like, why did God make mosquitoes that bite?)

So in a way, I guess he's asking me why God made thunder the way he made it. He's God, couldn't he have made thunder more like a rainbow and mosquitoes more like butterflies?

I have a few questions of my own. Why are life lessons learned by sadness and loss? Why can't they be taught to us in a classroom at Disneyland while we munch funnel cakes and corn dogs and never get obese? Why is there illness and heartbreak and poverty and all kinds of painful things the little guy knows nothing about?

Why do we put so much value on time and money when people and relationships are the real treasure? Why is faith so difficult when its so much harder to run on the alternative fuel? Why am I so often blind to the obvious? What purpose does guilt serve in anyone's life?

Why does my kid ask so many hard questions? Asking lots of questions is my game. Maybe I'll teach him to turn his curiosity into something productive like sarcasm.

How am I going to keep up this know-it-all charade? Clearly I know much, much less than a fifth-grader. I can barely work a DVD player, so how am I going to convincingly answer his questions when he becomes a teenager?

Why is thunder so loud and scary?